


Catch My Breath

by ImAshamedAboutThis



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, and the relationships, and underage drinking, but ill update the character tags once i know, but the first chapter is pretty heavy, cause brendon, i havent decided what other characters im going to use yet, i swear its not totally depressing, itll get happier though, joshler - Freeform, may be minor drug use, other than brendon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 02:33:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8185879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImAshamedAboutThis/pseuds/ImAshamedAboutThis
Summary: What's a depressed 18 year old supposed to do when his family kicks him out of the house for being gay?Tyler thinks he knows.But before he gets the chance to explore his only option, he's saved by a friendly stranger.A stranger named Josh. Trigger Warnings for suicidal thoughts/actions, references to self harm, references to abuse, and homophobic language (Also expect smut at some point)***Im not going to put trigger warnings before each chapter like most people do because i personally feel like that kind of ruins the suspense by giving away what's going to happen. So read cautiously and stay safe frens |-/





	1. The First

All Tyler could hear was the waves.

 

The crisp, early winter winds nip at the brunette boy's cheeks like a thousand tiny little needles poking into his flushed skin.  
The forceful air whips waves up against the legs of the bridge he was standing on, before they would then crash back down and disappear back into the large body of rushing water.  
Dead leaves were being swept up from unknown areas, getting to swirl around in the frigid wind as if riding an invisible roller-coaster, before they would then fall lifeless into the water below.

 

Tyler could relate to the leaves.

 

Despite the life they give to the trees they were born too, they still get mercilessly discarded and no one bats an eye.  
No one cares if a leaf was kicked out of its only home and left to fall into darkened waters.

Tyler was ripped from his thoughts as his phones alarm goes off in his sweatshirt pocket, and when he looks down, crimson catches his eye.

 

Was his nose still bleeding?

 

The sidewalk beneath him was littered in fresh droplets of blood. The only light being offered to the frail boy was the white glow of the street lamp and, despite the dim setting, the bright crimson below him stands out drastically against the light grey colored cement. It looked almost as if the world was offering him a cruel game of connect the dots, but Tyler didn't want to find out what picture would be created.

 

He was sure it was something he didn't want to see.

 

Tyler lifts a shaky hand up, his tanned skin being crusted over with drying blood, though he doesn't pay much attention to it. Numbly, he reaches into his sweat shirt pocket and slowly pulls out his phone to silence the ear piercing alarm, briefly glancing at the words displayed on the screen.

 

**-18th Birthday! SICK!-**

 

Tyler had completely forgotten he had once set that calendar alarm over two years ago when the excitement of eventually turning 18 had first hit him and under normal circumstances, the nostalgia would have made him smile. But, in his current situation, the only thing it did was bring fresh tears to his eyes.

The brunette's flushed skin burns as his hot tears spill over his lower eyelids and roll over his frozen cheeks. The sharp throbbing pain in his nose coming back as he sniffles and slips his phone back into his front sweatshirt pocket.

Sure, life two years ago wasn't the best for Tyler either. But, anything would beat the traumatizing situation he was going through right now.

 

Even death.

 

Tyler couldn't help it as his attention was slowly drawn back to the crashing waves underneath him, the sharp wind suddenly picking up and whistling in his ears. He was sure the water was well below freezing and he began to wonder how the shocking cold would feel on his battered and exhausted body if he were to just jump.

 

Would he even get a  
chance to feel it?

 

Or would he instantly  
die on impact?

 

Those were questions Tyler  
was growing closer and  
closer to finding out.

 

Tyler wasn't even sure how he got here... Or at least that's what he wants to tell himself. He wants to convince himself that this wasn't all his fault, but the nagging voice at the back of his mind told him other wise.

 

This was all his fault.

 

He deserved this.

 

And he knew exactly how he got here.

 

Tyler remembers the fury on his dad's face and the disappointed tears in his mother's eyes after being called downstairs just hours prior.  
He remembers the sense of dread that had immediately filled him;  
The dread that had quickly changed into numb fear when his father spoke the words that started this current nightmare.

 

"Why the fuck did I have a student  
come down to my office today  
with pictures of you kissing a boy?"

 

Tyler remembers the feeling of his throat closing up at the question.  
He remembers the sheer panic that flooded his veins and caused his feet to glue to the floor as his father rushed him in a rage.  
He remembers every lick of air being knocked out of his lungs as he was shoved against the wall.  
He remembers the sounds of bones cracking as his father's over sized fist connected with his nose, before the angry man spit his next words;

 

"Get the fuck out of here, Tyler.  
No son of mine is a faggot."

 

Now what Tyler doesn't remember was the walk here.  
He had no clue how he got to the bridge and didn't even know how long he had been standing here staring down at the roaring waters below.  
But he found himself thanking his feet and his mindless sense of direction.

 

He really did deserve to die.

 

The broken teen knew this day was going to  
surface it's ugly head sooner or later.

 

Tyler had been ignoring the voice in the back of his mind for years; The one that had told him once his parents found out about his dirty little secret, he would be disowned and thrown to the wind like nothing but a piece of trash.  
And now that the voice in his head had been proved right, it had suddenly increased in volume.

Now there really was no one  
who'd care if he was gone.

 

The only thing the young brunette had been holding onto these past years was the fact he thought suicide was selfish.  
He had been living purely for the only people in his life that cared about him;

 

His family.

 

But now his family was gone and he had no one.

 

No one to live for.

 

No one to die for.

 

So was it really still selfish?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will probably stay this short unless im feeling inspired.
> 
> Sorry (but not really) to end it on such a heavy thought.
> 
> Thanks for taking interest frens.


	2. The Second

Tyler wasn't even fully aware of what he was doing as he presses the palms of his hands on the ledge of the bridge, pushing his weight down on it as he begins to lift himself up, the cold white concrete slightly scratching into his numb skin.

 

The waves were calling loudly in his ears  
and he just knew he had to join them.

 

He yearned for the darkened water  
to swallow him whole like the  
loving embrace he _needed_.  
While freezing the blood in his veins  
and choking him out like the  
painful death he _deserved._

 

The brunette was so focused on completing his tragic destiny that he didn't even hear the pick-up truck slamming on it breaks before it hastily parks up next to him, tires hitting the curb do to the sudden carelessness of the worried driver.

"H-Hey! Kid stop!" An unfamiliar voice fills the frigid air. It didn't succeed in knocking Tyler out of the little trance he had found himself dwelling in, but it did cause him to pause his actions for just a split second;

 

Only just.

 

The brunette then didn't even have time to register what was happening before he had a pair of strong arms wrapping around his slim waist, feeling himself suddenly being yanked away from the ledge of the bridge.

"JOSH! Let the guy go! I don't care how horny you are, you can't just grab people like that! It's not classy!" Another stranger's powerfully loud voice was thrown into the situation.

"Brendon! Shut up! He was going to freaking jump!" The now panicked voice above him filled Tyler's ears and the dazed brunette couldn't stop himself from tipping his head back to get a look at who was currently holding onto him.

Tyler's clouded gaze stares up at pair of kind eyes and a worried frown, strands of bright red hair falling over the male's face as he looks down at Tyler in the same moment, his colored mohawk looking as if it was glowing in the direct white light of the lamp post next to them.

"Oh, shi- You're bleeding dude. What's you're name? I'm going to take yo-"  
The kind red headed male didn't even get a chance to finish his sentence, because all at once, Tyler seemed to come back to reality and realize he was currently being held by some punk looking stranger.

The brunette's eyes blow wide and he uses every last ounce of strength he has left to suddenly rip himself from the warm hold of the young man, before he then takes off at full speed down the sidewalk of the bridge, too panicked to even look back as he runs away.

 

How pathetic.

 

Even while trying to end his pitiful existence  
Tyler still became a problem for other people.

 

That's all Tyler was;

 

A big inconvenience.

 

Despite his exhaustion and the sharp cramps forming in his sides as he runs, Tyler doesn't stop. He lets his burning legs continue to carry him further down into town, taking random turns through out the dimly lit streets just in case the strangers were chasing after him.

Eventually though, Tyler was forced to come to a stop. He didn't even know exactly how far or for how long he'd been running; But the bridge was far out of sight and had been for quite some time.  
Despite the amount of basketball he'd played over the years, Tyler still wasn't in the best physical shape. His body was really scrawny and, compared to most boys his age, Tyler was just-

Weak.

 

In more ways than just one.

 

He presses his hand against a large brick building that had multiple little shops, all apart of the same complex, built into it. He was doubled over, his free hand on his knees as the brunette gasps for desperately needed air, his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

Tyler was staring down at the ground through watery and heavy lidded eyes, watching as red dots of crimson drips down onto the pavement below him.

He had to be at least a mile or two away from the bridge... And yet he could still hear the manic sounds of crashing waves echoing in his ringing ears.  
The brunette swallows thickly, being able to taste metallic on the back of his tongue as he slowly straightens his body up, a gust of sharp wind cutting straight through his sweat shirt and chilling him to his very bones.

The town around him was pretty barren, which didn't come as too much of a surprise to Tyler. There wasn't many bars on this side of town and most places were closed at this time of night.

 

So, that left just Tyler,  
the occasional sound of a car driving in the distance,  
and his depressing thoughts.

 

Mindlessly, Tyler slowly begins to walk once more with no real destination in mind, hand still pressed against the building wall he was walking past. He just needed to make it through this night without being caught by those strangers and then he could join the waves tomorrow.

 

He didn't have to rush.

 

There was _always_ tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was so short frens


	3. The Third

Josh's eyebrows were knit down in a permanent worried expression as he drives his car through the town.  
Last night was probably the craziest thing he's ever experienced in his 19 years of life, he never dreamt that he'd be a witness to a suicide attempt, let alone be the person that stopped that said attempt.

He couldn't get the image of the poor kid's face out of his head.  
He looked so...

 

Broken.

 

Josh would have even chased after the suicidal boy if it wasn't for his dumb butt friend, Brendon. He had gotten out of the truck and grabbed Josh's arm before he had a chance to give chase and save the brunette from any further harm.  
Brendon had tried to tell him that his reason for stopping him was that Josh didn't have any right to intrude on whatever the kid was going through and that getting himself involved could wind up throwing Josh into some kind of trouble, but Josh knew the truth was that Brendon was just antsy to get to the party they had been on their way to.

Josh on the other hand, couldn't even think of partying.  
He still had that kid's blood on his jacket for Christ's sake!

So, once he dropped Brendon off at the party that his eccentric friend just couldn't miss, Josh had gone out searching for the boy he had momentarily saved.

He was out searching the streets for hours until he'd gotten texts from Brendon to come pick him up and he didn't want to leave his best friend hanging.

And now, after forcing himself to get a couple hours of sleep-Which was a lot easier said than done- Josh was back at it, having been scouring the town in his truck all day.

Maybe the red head was too nice for his own good, but he felt like he just had to find this guy.

He felt something dark churning in the pit of his stomach that told him if he didn't find the boy tonight, the police would be finding his body washing up from the lake days from now.

 

Josh taps his fingers in an antsy way on his steering wheel as he drives down the now darkened streets, eyes flicking over to his truck's radio clock.

 

**12:08 AM**

 

It was midnight already?

 

When did it get that late?

 

With a heavy sigh Josh turns into the parking lot of some random Chinese place before he backs up and pulls out onto the road once more, turning the car around to go the opposite way.

He had already checked the bridge at least fifty times today alone, but Josh had a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that the brunette was going to show up there sooner or later.

 

So he might as well check fifty-one times.

 

Just to be safe.

 

~~~

Within around ten minutes of driving, the bridge Josh was heading towards was coming into view, just as a couple snowflakes began to drift down slowly from the blackened night sky and land daintily on his windshield.

 

It was getting colder.

 

Josh silently hoped that the broken teen stuck in his mind had a warm place to stay last night.

 

As Josh approaches the bridge, his eyes slowly begin to widen as his vigilant gaze lands on a slim figure pacing back and forth, roughly in the same spot the brunette had been in last night. He was making motions with his hands as if he was having an important conversation with someone;

 

But the boy was completely alone.

 

Josh instinctively slows his truck down as he starts to near the male, his heart beginning to speed up in his chest and anxiety starting to claw at his stomach as he drove close enough to tell that this guy was definitely the same guy as last night.  
He was even wearing the same black sweatshirt and black sweatpants.

 

Did that mean he has been out since then?

 

Why wouldn't he have gone home to change?

 

Josh brings his vehicle to a stop as he debates what to do, the brunette didn't seem to yet realize that there was someone else on the bridge with him, and he felt if he got any closer with his truck he'd definitely spook the kid into running.

Slowly, Josh begins to pull his car up to the curb of the side walk to keep it out of the road and parks it there, before turning the key to silence the engine, then taking it out of the ignition and pocketing it in his camo-print jacket.

He didn't even know what he was planning to do or say to this guy.  
All Josh knew was that he wanted to help; No matter what the kid's problem was, he was going to do his utter best to help him out, even if he can't do much.

With a small boost of confidence, Josh gets out of his truck, closing the door quietly behind him before he begins to cross the bridge and slowly starts to walk the 30-ish feet towards the brunette- Who, he should mention, was still having what was now clearly a distressed conversation with himself.

 

Josh managed to close the gap between him and the young male until there was only roughly ten more feet in between the two, but that was when the brunette suddenly realizes Josh's presences and freezes where he stands, fearful brown eyes being locked with Josh's own.

Immediately, Josh notices the lack of blood adorning the males's face this time around, but his small nose was painted ugly colors of black and blue that was very clearly visible even from the distance Josh was standing at.

"H-Hey, um, please don't run again! I promise I wont grab you this time. I just want to um... talk! I swear!" Josh says to the brunette, who was still frozen in place with a complete deer in the headlights look plastered onto his face.

 

Josh doesn't make any moves to go towards him as he watches the hesitant teen glance at the ledge of the bridge and then back at Josh, and-for a small moment- Josh's heart leaps in a panic as the boy suddenly walks up to the bridge's ledge. Josh quickly opens his mouth to shout a hasty 'Wait stop' only for the boy to suddenly sit down on the cold pavement of the side walk and lean his back against the white concrete fencing.

 

Was this his invitation to come closer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. The Fourth

Slowly, as to not scare the obviously timid boy in front of him, Josh walks closer.  
He moves over to the fencing, mimicking the brunette's position and siting down on the sidewalk a couple short feet away from him.

From here, Josh could now see the dark stains adorning down the front of the black hoodie the male was still wearing and he could only assume it was caused by a certain crimson liquid.  
Josh could also now see the darkened circles and deep bags hanging under the poor boy's eyes, it being a clear sign he hadn't had much sleep; Which, if Josh was being honest, wasn't a good look for him.

"Um, hey... I'm Josh." The red headed punk suddenly introduces himself, the greeting coming out a little more awkward sounding than he had intended it too. But, none the less, it got the job done.

"...H-Hey..."  
Josh was honestly surprised to get a reply back from the boy.  
His voice was that of a higher octave, definitely not what Josh was expecting, but it matched his slightly childish features quite well.

 

It also matched his eyes.

 

His voice sounded just as broken as his eyes looked.

 

Josh was sure this guy must have the most beautiful eyes when he was happy.  
His eyes were big and round, his eyelashes were long, and his iris's were a calming shade of hazelnut brown.  
The red head suddenly found himself yearning to see what they would look like twinkling with excitement as the boy lives through the perfect life he deserves.

 

"Can I know your name?" Josh then asks softly, keeping his voice quiet and kind.  
He knew with his punk style he must look a bit intimidating, so he was tying to make up for it by talking in a gentle and almost motherly tone; It seemed to be working because it didn't take long for him to get a response.

 

"...Tyler..."

 

Josh offers one of his trade mark grins when he finally learns the mystery boy's name, his perfectly straight and white teeth being shown off, as he unconsciously bites on the tip of his pink tongue.

"Cool, that's a sick name. Nice to meet you, Tyler." The punk replies in a bit of a more upbeat tone, hiding the slight disappointment he felt when he only gets a slight nod from Tyler in response.

"So um..." Josh starts, but he pauses for a small moment.  
He didn't know how to ask what he wanted to ask.  
Tyler was a stranger so he couldn't just come out and ask why he was trying to jump last night, or where he ran off to, and why he wasn't safe at home right now.

 

He wasn't his mother.

 

"...Are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you last night if I did...I just, um, didn't want to see a potential friend ending themselves." Joshua tells Tyler as he offers another kind smile and he couldn't help but let out a tiny breathy laugh in response to the shocked look the brunette was now suddenly giving him.

 

"I...I wasn't scared." Tyler replies quietly as he pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin down onto them, Josh smiling at him again as his hazel doe-like eyes flick over towards him.

"Well that's good. I'd be a real jerk potential friend if I scared you." Josh says, keeping his tone light and playful in hopes of maybe bringing up the young brunette's spirits and Josh thinks he even sees the slightest smile crack on Tyler's lips for just a split second.

 

He didn't imagine that did he?

 

"Your nose looks like it kills, dude..." Josh then notes quietly as his eyes trail back up to the nose in question, grimacing at how bruised and swollen it was.  
"Have you gone to the hospital to get it check out?" He then asks, not being able to stop himself from feeling a bit protective over this kid.

 

Josh did save him from killing himself last night.

 

It was only natural to want to make sure he was okay now.

 

"...I can't go to the hospital..." Tyler mumbles as his eyes pull away from the punk next to him and looks out towards the road in a defeated way.

Josh's lips curve downwards at this news, his eyebrows knitting together and forming a worried expression on his face as he stares over at Tyler, suddenly scooching a bit closer towards the broken boy.

"...Why cant you..? Are you hiding from someone..?" The redhead then asks in a concerned tone, figuring maybe Tyler had gotten into a fight with someone.  
Who then could be waiting for him to show up at the hospital to finish the job.

But thankfully, Tyler slowly shakes his head.

 

"N-No um... I just... My parents kicked me out so... I'm sure they'll be super angry to have to pay for a hospital visit..." The brunette mumbles quietly, his voice slightly shaking as he finally speaks more than just a couple words to Josh, keeping his eyes locked on the dead road in front of them.

"What? Your parents kicked you out? They cant do that, you're only like 15!" Josh says in an undeniably outraged tone.  
Who in their right mind would kick their kid out of their house?  
Especially someone as young as Tyler?

"Oh. Um, definitely not 15, Josh..." Tyler says and Josh was caught off guard by the sudden offence lacing Tyler's tone, the red head's eyes suddenly blowing wide in embarrassment.

"Oh shoot- Uh, sorry, I didn't mean that in a bad way at all, Tyler. I swear. You just... look kind of young I guess, um- How old are you?" Josh asks this time instead of just assuming Tyler's age, but he silently still had a hard time believing Tyler wasn't as young as he thought.

"I um, I just turned 18 like...Yesterday."

"Oh..." Josh whispers quietly. His eyes were softening in pity, but his stomach was beginning to fill with rage. Who the heck kicks out their son right before their birthday?  
18 was one of the most important birthdays too!  
Tyler should be at home celebrating, not sitting on a bridge and wishing he was dead.

"...You spent your 18th birthday alone...? Where'd you even go last night..?" Josh couldn't help but asking, he was growing more and more concerned over Tyler;  
He just wanted to fix all his problems and make the boy okay again.

 

Tyler slowly shrugs his shoulders, rolling his head to the side slightly, so it was his cheek pressed against his knees and not his chin.  
"Um, I just, I stayed in the laundromat down town... it's open 24 hours and no one even came in until morning..."

Josh swears he could feel his heart cracking completely in half at Tyler's answer, having to keep himself from giving into the strong urge to lean over and hug the broken teen next to him; His lips stuck in a little frown.

"Dude that..."

"Sucks? Yeah, I know..." Tyler suddenly finishes Joshua's sentence, before letting out a little sigh that makes Josh want to reach a hand over and pat the brunette's head, but he resists doing so as to not come off as some touchy creep.

"If you want you could, um... I don't know, I don't want to sound creepy. But, I'd feel bad if I just left you here alone. So... I mean, you could come crash on my couch for tonight. If you want too, that is." Josh offers to Tyler as he nervously fixes the light grey snap-back on his head, clearing his throat quietly.

"It's totally up to you though." Josh quickly adds in. The red head really didn't want to come off as some creep to Tyler, so he was doing his best to make his offer sound as innocent as it truly was.

Just a no strings attached night of couch surfing.


	5. The Fifth

The waves were silent tonight.

 

Tyler stares dumbfounded at the punk sitting next to him. He'd only just learnt this guy's name 15 minutes ago and Josh was already offering him a place to sleep?

The brunette didn't think people that nice actually existed in this day and age anymore. Even the owner of the laundromat kicked him out this morning after realizing Tyler wasn't washing any clothes and was just using the building as shelter from the cold.  
But the owner didn't see it as Tyler taking shelter, he saw it as loitering and a potential loss of business as a beaten up and depressed kid sat in the corner of his place of business.

 

Tyler yanks his gaze off of Josh and looks behind himself, staring down at the perfectly motionless black water through the gaps of the fenced ledge of the bridge.

 

The lake wasn't as enticing when the waves were gone;

 

It really bothered Tyler.

 

It almost seemed as if even the waves themselves were now disappointed in Tyler for not joining them last night when they were calling.

It felt as if the waves no longer cared about him.

 

Like everyone else.

 

But, maybe Tyler was only seeing it that way because of how exhausted he was.

 

Maybe tomorrow will be better and the waves will get riled up to see him once more;

 

There was always tomorrow.

 

Tyler looks back over at Josh, who had now taken his grey snap-back hat off his head to reveal the same astonishingly red mohawk from last night.  
Tyler watching as Josh fiddles with the hat in his hands in an obvious attempt to not seem awkward as he patiently waits for the brunette's answer.

 

Honestly, Tyler was just plain tired right now.

 

He got maybe an hours sleep tops in the laundromat last night and nothing sounded better than to have a warm house to sleep in.

Not even death sounded better at this point.

 

Sure, maybe it's not the smartest thing to take a stranger up on an offer like this, but Tyler didn't really have anything left to lose.

What was Josh going to do?

 

Murder him?

 

Tyler would be thrilled.

 

Besides Josh already saved his life once (Much to Tyler's annoyance.).

So, it was hard to believe that this guy would do anything to hurt him now;

 

Not that Tyler didn't deserve to be hurt.

 

"So...? What do you say..?"  
Josh's soft voice breaks Tyler's from his thoughts and he suddenly becomes aware of his surroundings once more.

 

Aware of the fluffy white snow slowly drifting down from the cloudy night sky.

 

Aware at how the cold was cutting through his sweat shirt and numbing him to the marrow in his bones

 

Aware of how close Josh was next to him.

"...I...I guess so... Sure..." Tyler's voice comes out in a timid tone as he shyly looks away from the punk sitting by him, ignoring the nagging voice at the back of his mind telling him that he didn't deserve to get a good nights sleep in a safe home.

 

He didn't deserve someone like Josh being this nice to him.

 

All he deserves is to freeze in the snow on this bridge as he waits for the waves to start desperately shouting his name once more.

 

"Really? Awesome dude!" Josh's relieved voice calls Tyler's attention back over to him and he was surprised to see genuine happiness on the toothy grin the punk was now wearing

The brunette watches in a slightly shocked silence as Josh slips his snap-back onto his head once more, before he stands up to his feet and extends a hand out for the broken teen to take.

Tyler was hesitant, but with an encouraging nod from Josh, he slowly reaches out and grasps onto the older boy's hand.

He could feel how rough and calloused the skin of Josh's palm was and Tyler briefly wonders what Josh did to cause his hands to turn into such a state as he allows himself to be pulled up to his exhausted feet by the stronger boy.

"I have a room-mate by the way. He can be a little...Weird, I guess. But, Ill make sure he gives you space. Don't worry." Josh's soft tone breaks the silence of the frigid air once more and Tyler physically shivers with disappointment as the warmth surrounding his hand is released.

"Come on, I'll crank the heat all the way up in my truck just for you."  
Tyler was promised by Josh as the punk teen begins to walk across the road towards what the brunette automatically assumes is Josh's truck.

Tyler takes one last glance at the motionless darkened water below him before he hesitantly follows Josh, jogging for a small moment to catch up with the redhead and walking just behind his side.

The short walk to Josh's truck was silent, but surprisingly not awkward like most silences were to Tyler.  
The only sound around them was the dull noise of their shoes walking on asphalt and the rhythm was oddly peaceful.  
Maybe it was because Tyler was on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, but he was strangely relaxed in Josh's presence.

 

It felt nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again that this one was so short frens.  
> But it felt like a good spot to end this chapter ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	6. The Sixth

"Tyler...? Hey...?"

 

The brunette's tired eyes reluctantly begin to flutter open as a vaguely familiar voice fills his ears and jars him from his sleep, slowly looking over at the owner of the voice.

"Hey, um, sorry to wake you up but, we're here. I thought about carrying you in, but then I realized that'd be kinda creepy and I didn't want you to freak out if you woke up and I was holding you." Josh explains sheepishly as Tyler's exhausted gaze lands on him, a breathy laugh of pure nerves leaving his slightly chapped lips.

 

All at once, Tyler seems to remember what was happening and he quickly sits up. A bright blush of embarrassment begins to fill his cheeks and he's suddenly thankful that the car was dark enough to hide the red glow now burning in his skin.

 

Shoot, he didn't even mean to fall asleep.

He probably just made things really awkward for Josh.

He was such an idiot.

Why was Josh even helping him?

 

"S-Sorry-I uh, I wasn't planning on falling asleep like that. It was, just-The warmth got to me and-" The broken boy's ramblings were quickly cut off by Josh shaking his head and offering words of assurance.

"No, no, dude, don't even worry about it. You weren't bothering anything." The older teen quickly tells Tyler as he flashes that same bright and kind smile he had been brandishing all night.

"Wanna head inside now?" Josh continues as he pulls his keys out of his truck's ignition before unbuckling himself, keeping an eye on the boy next to him as if he was worried Tyler was going to bolt any second.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm ready."

~~~

"I'm sorry I don't have a spare room for you. The apartment's kind of small so it only has the two bedrooms." Josh apologizes as he unlocks the apartment door that had the golden number '19' screwed onto it, pushing it open with his foot after taking the key back out of the doorknob.

"Don't worry... The couch is fine." Tyler's soft voice hit's Josh's ears and it still sounded so broken that the kindhearted punk wanted to break down and cry for him right then and there.

 

He couldn't help but wonder what Tyler was going through.

Why would his parents kick a boy like him out?

And why would Tyler ever want to kill himself?

 

Josh steps out of the doorway and motions his hand in front of his chest to let the younger boy into the apartment first, flashing a playful smile as he does a little bow.

"Ladies first." He quips in a joking manner, but he doesn't get much more of a slight upturn of Tyler's lips that almost seamed like a fleeting smile.

 

Maybe it wasn't the best time for Josh to be goofy with this kid, but he just wanted to lift his spirits.

Even if Tyler smiles for just half a second, it would make any dumb thing Josh says or does worth it to him.

He really hated seeing people sad.

 

"There's not much here but, feel free to make yourself at home." Josh tells Tyler as he closes the front door and leads him into the living room, before then motioning to the slightly rundown leather couch.

Was it obvious the two college aged students bought the couch second hand?

"This is where you can sleep, if you're fine with it. And, obviously, right through there is the kitchen-" Josh says as he points through the doorway to the visible small kitchen.  
"Then the door on the right of that hallway is the bathroom and the two doors on the left of it is, first my roommate Brendon's room, then mine." He explains, glancing back at Tyler to make sure he was still listening and seeing he had already kicked his shoes off and got settled on the couch.  
"I'll go get you some blankets and stuff, alright? I'll be right back." He then assures the brunette, waiting till a small "Alright.." hits his ears before nodding his head and walking off down the hall.

 

Josh went into his room and heads straight over to his closet, mindlessly drumming his fingers on the symbol of his drum kit as he walks passed.  
After swinging open his closet door, he begins to dig through his stuff.  
He knew he had a box of blankets somewhere in here. His mom had made sure he brought extra with him for emergencies when he moved out. And, at the time, Josh had silently scoffed and wondered what kind of emergencies he'd be able to save himself from with extra blankets, but now the redhead was grateful he listened to his mom.

This was definitely an emergency that was in need of some cozy blankets.

After a bit of digging through fallen laundry, music equipment, and other odds and ends that got thrown into the black hole of his closet, he found what he was looking for. He pulls out the cardboard box, smiling fondly at his mother's hand writing that said "BLANKETS" in a black sharpie on top, before he scratches at the packing tape and peels it up to get the box open.

The red head pulls out a couple blankets from inside; They still had an overpowering smell of his childhood house, along with the scent of his mother's favorite laundry detergent. The familiarity stirred a sense of nostalgia and comfort within Josh and, briefly, he debated switching these blankets with the ones on his bed;

But he figured Tyler would probably want clean blankets and not ones that smelt like a sweaty drummer.

 

After then grabbing one of the extra pillows lying at the head of his bed, he walks out of his room and back off towards the living room.

"Hey, is two blankets enough for you Tyler? I have more if-" Josh was cut off as he looks over at the couch.

His roommate, Brendon, was now occupying the leather couch with Tyler. Which, wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, except for the fact that Tyler now had silent tears running down his cheeks while Brendon sat in slight shock next to him.

"Brendon! What did you do to him!?" Josh shouts and as soon as his roommate's gaze meets his own, the dark haired boy jumps to his feet and raises his hands in defense.

"I wasn't being a dick, I swear! I was just joking around!" Was the first words to come out of his problematic roommate's mouth and Josh's eyes immediately narrow at his best friend, which prompts Brendon into explanation.

"I'm serious Josh! All I asked was if he wanted to share a joint with me cause he looks like he really needs it! Then he declined-politefully I might add-so I just, joked around and asked him if he was a mama's boy! I fucking swear dude! I didn't know he was going to start crying." Brendon was quick to spill as to not get in to trouble with his best friend.

Josh let out a loud sigh, walking past Brendon and over to Tyler who was now staring blankly at the wall straight ahead of himself.

"Right, well, he's obviously tired as all heck. So how about you leave him alone for now, okay Bren?" Josh tries his best to keep any annoyance out of his tone as he talks to his friend, setting down the folded blankets next to Tyler, then setting the pillow on top of them.

Josh knew Brendon was just trying to help Tyler out. But, his best friend always had a knack of doing the opposite of what he actually intends, usually purely by accident.

"Sure, okay... Nice to meet you, Tyler." Brendon responds and Josh could tell, without even looking at him, that his best friend was sulking as he walked off towards his room; It was obvious in the dark brunette's tone of voice.

 

"Are you alright?" Josh's voice drops down to a soft and kind tone once more as he addresses the younger boy, flashing a sympathetic smile as Tyler breaks his stare from the wall to look up at him.

"...S-Sorry, yeah... Can I sleep now?" The brunette's voice barely comes out as a whisper and Josh instantly nods his head.

He wasn't about to deny this boy anything at the moment.

"Yeah, of course, I'll shut off all the lights for you. Good night, Tyler."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brendon; Aka the unintentional asshat


	7. The Seventh

"Tyler, hun! Breakfast!" 

Tyler's eyes slowly flutter open as his mother's voice drifts up the stairs to break the silence blanketed over his bedroom. The lids of his glazed eyes blink rapidly as he adjusts to the cheery morning sun-light that was spilling into his room through the curtains of his window. His tired gaze then begins to slowly drift across the span of his bedroom;

Something felt off. 

 

The brunette  wasn't sure what, but the worry was quickly shoved out of his thoughts as the mouth watering smell of bacon begins to fill his nose.

He was starving.

 

With new found motivation brought on by the promise of food, Tyler throws his blankets off himself and clambers out of his warm bed. He steps his feet down onto the soft carpeted floor as he stretches his arms up over his head, a refreshed groan leaving his lips.

Running a hand through the bedhead he most likely had, the teen yawns and glances around his room once more before heading towards his dresser to slip on a shirt.

His room seemed brighter than usual, happy almost;

It instantly puts the brunette in a good mood.

 

Now humming a little tune to show case the mood he was in, Tyler opens his top drawer and pulls out the first t-shirt his slender fingers touch, shaking it once to un-fold it before hastily slipping it over his head.

As he pushes his arms through his sleeves, Tyler begins to walk towards his bedroom door, the cheery tune of music still drifting happily from his lips.

_Don't go downstairs._

Tyler's humming ceases.

 

The brunette was now paused in front of his door, staring at the white painted wood as he swallows thickly. He strangely didn't feel too alarmed by the added personality in the room.

Maybe it was because he's heard this voice before.

_Don't go downstairs._

The same voice repeats their command into his ear as if it's owner was standing directly next to him, but Tyler didn't have to look to know there was going to be nothing there but empty space.  
  
After sucking in a breath through his nose, Tyler gains the confidence to muster up a shaky reply to the phantom;

"Why?"

_They hate you.  
_

The voice would sound much like Tyler's own if it wasn't incredibly distorted. The tone was deep and it had an eerie echo as if someone was trying to overlay the sound but just couldn't get it quite right.

"...No they don't."

Tyler was quick to argue as he continues to stare intently at the bedroom door in front of him. There was no way his family would hate him. They're the only people that care about him! Besides, his mom had just called him for breakfast; His mom wouldn't have called him down if she hated him.

_You're a faggot remember?_

The voice'scruel retaliation sends a little shock-wave down Tyler's spine that cause goosebumps to form slowly over the expanse of his neck and arms. He swallows hard as he struggles to think of a response that could hold up his argument.

"...I..."

_Don't go downstairs.  
_

The brunette doesn't even get a chance to form more than one small word with his chapped lips before he was cut off by the demented voice. The voice had suddenly grown in volume and with the sudden growth, the brightness in Tyler's room dulls dramatically.

Slowly, Tyler turns his gaze from the door in front of him to examine his bedroom. There was no more cheery yellow morning sun pouring through his window and lighting up every corner of his room; Instead he was now standing in grey darkness, as if the sun had been suddenly covered up by thick storm clouds.

"Tyler! Come on! Your breakfast is getting cold!"

Tyler's head snaps back towards the door in front of him as his mother's loving and happy voice calls up to his room once more, his mouth beginning to completely dry up.

_Don't go downstairs._

The tips of Tyler's fingers were shaking as he reaches up and takes a hold of his door handle. He grasps the strangely freezing brass knob in his hand before slowly turning it. His bedroom door squeaks eerily as he begins to slowly push it open, glancing out into the darkened hallway before him.

_Don't go downstairs._

The floor boards creek under the teen's weight as he begins to step out into the dark hallway. The smell of breakfast was still strong in his nose and it was obvious the scent was coming from the stairwell opposite of Tyler. If it wasn't for the smell of bacon and his mother's earlier calling, Tyler would have honestly doubted their was anyone else in the house.  
Things were scarily silent and there wasn't even the faintest glow of light coming from the downstairs. 

_Don't go downstairs._

"Tyler! Don't make me come up there!" 

The brunette was startled to suddenly hear his mother's voice again, but instead of his mother's usual commanding tone she sounded sickly sweet and it causes the hair on the back of Tyler's neck to stand straight up .

_Don't go downstairs._

Tyler was only a few steps down the hall when he stops. He could only see the top of the stairs and he was having trouble finding the courage to get any closer, despite the promising smell of bacon still hanging heavily in his nostrils.

  "Tyler! W **hat** in h **e** ll's name is taking **you** so long!" 

His mother's voice grows in volume as if she was standing right at the bottom of the stairs. Her tone now suddenly sounded panicked and slightly distorted, almost like her words were recorded but the device used to capture her sound was running out of batteries.  

_Don't go down stairs._

Tyler was frozen in place. His chest felt heavy as if someone was sitting on his lungs and slowly trying to suffocate him. A sense of dread washes over his body and he suddenly feels like maybe he really shouldn't go downstairs. 

"Tyl **er, you dirty fucking faggot! Get your ass down here! NOW!** "

His mother's voice was no longer his mother's voice. The tone that had started out as hers quickly morphed into something much deeper. It dropped many octaves until it quickly formed itself into the angry tone of his father's.

_Run._

All at once the silent house was filled with the thundering sound of someone- Or rather something- wildly running up the stairs.

Fear suddenly slaps Tyler square in the face and without a second thought he spins around and takes back off towards his bedroom as fast as his legs would carry him.

When did he get so far from his room?

 

As Tyler runs, the dark hallway seems to stretch out before him and he could hear the sound of the hallway floor boards behind him cracking under the weight and power of whatever was chasing after him. The thing was so close to catching him he could practically feel its hot humid breath on the back of his neck and it only spurred Tyler on to run faster. 

He just had to get to his room.

If he get's to room he would be safe.

If he gets to his room he could hide from the truth and pretend everything was okay.

 

With a surge of energy and strength, Tyler lunges himself at the quickly approaching safe-haven and as he connects with the partially opened door and bursts into the bedroom;

 His eyes shoot open.

 

The brunette's body was currently laced in a slick cold sweat as he stares up at an unfamiliar ceiling. The smell of bacon was heavy in the air and he soon begins to register the sound of someone cooking. 

Tyler's head slowly lulls to the side, eyes tiredly studying the living room around him before a realization struck his sleep heavy mind:

He had no _clue_ where he was.

As panic suddenly shoots through his veins, the teen sits up straight with widen eyes and his sudden movement catches the attention of the 'someone' making breakfast in the kitchen straight behind Tyler.

"Oh shoot, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" The sound of Josh's concerned voice causes Tyler to quickly swivel his head around and as soon as his gaze lands on the older teen, he was reminded of the events of last night.

Right, the kindest person on the planet had given him a place to sleep.

A place Tyler truly didn't deserve.

 

It was after a couple moments of silent staring that Tyler realizes Josh had asked him a question and he quickly scrambles to spit out an answer as to not seem incredibly awkward or rude.

"Um-Uh, no, it's fine. I-I woke up on my own, don't worry." He assures the staring  punk as a blush rushes to color the apples of his cheeks with a cherry red. 

"Sick. I'm making breakfast if you want some- Well, lunch cause its like, noon, but I just woke up so it's still categorized as breakfast to me." Josh replies in a bit of a happy go lucky tone as Tyler watches him begin to tend to the bacon he was cooking once more.

"How's your nose by the way? We have painkillers in the bathroom if it's hurting."

As if brought on by Josh's reminder, Tyler suddenly becomes aware of the dull throbbing in his beaten up nose, but he slowly shakes his head.

"It's not as bad as it was, I can handle it." The brunette answers Josh as he slowly begins to pull the tangle of blankets off his body and moves up from the couch.  
His body aches as he stands up, his legs especially being incredibly sore. A full day of wandering the city of Columbus wasn't forgiving on his lanky and tired limbs.

"That's great dude, but don't be afraid to take any if you change your mind. You like bacon and eggs, right?" Josh's voice calls for Tyler's attention once more and the younger boy looks back into the kitchen. 

"Yeah...Who doesn't?"

"Lame people."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating (Also sorry pretty much nothing happened in this chapter lmao)  
> I've started a new medication and the side effects are kicking my ass  
> Updates for my stories will probably be slower for awhile because of that


	8. Update!

Heyo, just want to start out by saying... I'm ashamed about this.

No pun intended (okay pun kinda intended)

But, My books are (obviously) on hiatus for the time being. I always thought i was never gonna be the author that disappoints readers by going on hiatus, but life can get sucky for even the best of people.

That being said, I just don't have the motivation to continue writing for the time being. Im sure once i get my life a bit more sorted out and less chaotic I'll come back headstrong and continue my books (And maybe even create more)

But for now, ImAshamedAboutThis and thank you for reading!


	9. The Eighth

"Brendon, if you're awake, I made breakfast!" Josh calls loudly from the kitchen as he dishes up a plate of eggs and bacon for himself and Tyler, despite knowing his best friend wasn't going to get out of bed anytime soon.

After grabbing a couple forks, Josh picks up the two plates and begins to head out of the kitchen towards the living room, but he stops by the hallway. He glances down at the shut bathroom door that he knew was currently occupied by his house guest... And he briefly wonders if he should check up on him.

But that would be weird right...?

He just had to trust Tyler wasn't going to get into any medication.

Or cleaning solutions.

Or razors.

_Oh, God._

Josh quickly walks into the living room, setting down the two plates to free up his hands before he quickly begins to walk down the hall towards the bathroom.

This wasn't weird.

He was just making sure Tyler was okay.

It's not weird at all to make sure a friend is okay.

...Even if he was probably the only one who saw them as friends.

But still, that doesn't make this weird!

While trying to convince himself he wasn't being too overprotective of the teen he barely knew, Josh knocks gently on the bathroom door, almost immediately hearing the toilet flush afterwards.

"Hey, you alright?" The red head asks cautiously through the door, waiting for a response as he hears the bathroom faucet turn on.

Okay, maybe this _was_  a little weird. 

Maybe Josh shouldn't have-

"...My nose looks really messed up." Tyler's response comes through the door and brings Josh's attention out of his thoughts, the bathroom door then suddenly opening up in front of him.

"Does it look crooked to you?"

"Oh, uh, lemme see..." Josh trails off as he carefully examines Tyler's nose from the front, then from the side, soft brown eyes studying the bruised skin carefully. 

"...No. No bad-ass crooked nose for you. Just a bruised and swollen one." He then quickly comes to the conclusion as he flashes a bright grin at Tyler, gaze flicking up from his nose and meeting the younger boy's round doe like eyes. 

Josh watches as relief begins to flood into Tyler's facial features, practically being able to see the muscles in his skinny body relax at the news.

Unbeknownst to Josh, Tyler was thrilled to not have a permanent crooked reminder of the time he was disowned by his family and punched in the face by the man he looked up to the most.

"Come on, breakfast is waiting." The kind hearted punk then tells Tyler as he turns to walk off down the hall, being able to hear the younger teen's foot steps slowly following after him. 

"Josh...?"  
  
Josh instantly glances back at Tyler at the sound of his name, flashing a smile at his guest.   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
He replies as he re-enters the living room and sits down on the couch in front of his plate of food on the coffee table.   
  
"...Thanks...For all this- Letting me sleep here and making food- Y'know, just everything, thank you." Tyler's eyes were cast downwards as he spoke to Josh as if he could form words better by not making eye contact; Which Josh totally got.  
  
Josh hated any sort of public speaking and he knew how easily anxiety could trip someone up while talking.   
  
"Of course!" Joshua was then quick to reply to Tyler as the brunette slowly sat down next to him.   
  
"I know we like, uh, just met but- You're officially my friend, and I'll do anything to help my friends."  
  
Josh could've sworn he saw a brief smile appear on Tyler's thin lips at the punk's explanation for his kindness, but then again maybe the redhead was just imagining what he wanted to see. 

"...Really? You don't even know my full name... How can I be your friend already?"   
Tyler's quiet voice says to Josh as he picks up a piece of bacon and takes a bite, Josh being able to identify slight amusement in the brunette's tone.  
  
"Well- Okay, here-" Josh replies in an up-beat manner, suddenly holding his hand out towards Tyler.   
"Hi, my name is Joshua William Dun." He introduces himself.  
  
Now this time, Josh _knows_ he didn't imagine the slight smile that was on the brunettes lips as Tyler slowly took hold of his hand and shook it.   
  
"Tyler Robert Joseph."   
  
"Sick, nice to meet you Tyler Robert Joseph." Josh replies as he shakes Tyler's hand back, happy smile on his face as he lets go of the hand shake.  
  
"There. _Now_ we're officially friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, some of you will look at this update and say "Oh sick! You're updating again! Does that mean you're feeling better, Ashamed? :D" 
> 
> Well the simple answer is no.
> 
> I'm actually at my lowest point once more, but sometimes our lowest points hold the most potential. 
> 
> If you'd like to talk to me and stuff you can follow me on twitter @ImAshamedAbout  
> https://twitter.com/ImAshamedAbout


	10. The Ninth

Grey with an under tone of blue.

That's the color of Joshua's living room walls.  
  
If anyone should know that fact, it should be Tyler.  
The brunette had grown accustom to staring blankly at the neutral color from where he sat on the couch.  
It was all he could do as the storm in his mind swirled a string of endless thoughts around his head.

What should he even  _do_?

  
His mind begins to pick through his mess of thoughts to the waves that had been so enticingly calling his name a couple days before and briefly, he wonders;

Were the waves shouting his name once more?  
  
If they were, they were hard to hear in Josh's house.

  
A heavy sigh leaves Tyler's lips, eyes wandering up the living room wall and staring up at the ceiling as he sits on the couch. He had only been here a day and the couch cushions were already starting to grow familiar beneath him.  
The brunette was beginning to feel comfortable here.  
Comfortable in a house that wasn't even his.  
Comfortable with a kind hearted punk who he didn't even know.  
  
 _He should probably go._  
  
Sure, Josh was a nice guy and he already offered Tyler a place on his couch for as long as he needed but- Tyler didn't want to be someone's charity case.  
He didn't want to be a nuisance.  
  
The last thing he wanted was for his existance to become a burden to someone.  
  
Especially someone as nice as Josh Dun.  
  
  
Tyler's eyes now wander from the living room ceiling, to glancing towards the hall.   
He was alone in the living room.   
Josh had disappeared down the same hall a few minutes ago after watching a movie with Tyler.  
  
Honestly, he could just leave right now.  
  
No one would notice.  
  
No one would miss him.  
  
As these thoughts push their way to the very front of Tyler's brain, his eyes begin to trail over to the front door.  
  
His life was definitely not worth the hassle he was causing Josh and Brendon.   
Who in their right mind would want a stranger living on their couch and eating their food anyways?  
Especially someone contributing absolutely nothing to them or society?

 

Tyler feels himself standing up from the couch without even realizing it, feet taking him to the front door.  
  
He felt almost mechanic; Body and mind numb as he begins to slip his feet into his shoes.  
  
Nothing.  
  
That was the best way to describe how he was feeling right now.  
  
Absolutely,  _nothing._  
  
Tyler's hand was twisting the door knob, quietly opening the front door until,

Until their was suddenly  _something._

 

  
Tyler's eyes widen in surprise and his head turns to look back towards the hallway as he hears the loud unmistakable sound of drums being played in one of the rooms and immediately, it caught Tyler's attention.  
  
Music had always been the one thing Tyler fell back on through these past years.   
Even when he had no one else, he still had his music.   
He owed his life to music; Because without the simple tunes and meaningless words Tyler would create while locked away in his bedroom during the night, he would have died long ago. 

With the sudden arrival of music, Tyler's mind was almost instantly swayed in the favor of staying just a  _little_  longer.   
 It wouldn't hurt just to see the person playing the drums; It had to be Josh right? Or was it Brendon?

Besides there was  _always_  tomorrow.   
  
  
Tyler found himself slowly walking down the hall way, following the loud beating of the drums to what he thinks is Joshua's room, staring at the closed white door.

For a whole 30 seconds, Tyler just stood in front of the door, facial expression soft as he just listened to the beat coming from inside the room.   
The drumming was loud.   
Loud enough for Tyler to physically feel the beat in his chest and it felt like the pure definition of passion.

Then, just as quickly as the drumming started, it abruptly stopped.

Before Tyler could even react to the sudden absence of the loud beat, the door before him swung open, completely catching him off guard.

He suddenly found himself face to face with Josh. 

Who look just as equally as surprised to see Tyler outside his bedroom door as Tyler was to be found outside his bedroom.

"Oh-! Uh Hey- Perfect timing. I was actually just about to come ask if you minded me making noise on my drums. If, if it gets annoying I can totally stop."

Tyler was still mentally reeling from the embarrassment of being caught right outside Josh's bedroom that he barely even processed the words being spoken to him. 

  Josh probably thought he was a total creep now.  

There's another thing he's managed to totally F up.  
If Josh didnt really want him in his house before, he definitely wouldnt now.

Or maybe Tyler was just over thinking things.  
Like always.  
Tyler's worst enemy was his own mind.   
He had a bad habit of picking apart every little interaction he ever has until the memory was bloodied and sore to think about.  
  
  
"Tyler, are you okay?"  
Josh's soft and concerned words easily cut through the anxiety driven thoughts crowding the foregrounds of Tyler's already stressed mind, brown eyes slowly flicking up and meeting Joshua's gaze.  
"Yeah... Yeah, sorry."   
He was as quick as he could be to respond to Josh's question, not really wanting to stir up anymore worried emotions in the drummer.   
Josh has already done enough for him.  
  
"I just heard the drumming and- You're pretty good at it."   
The way Josh's face lit up when Tyler brought up his drumming in a positive light was an image the bruentte didnt think he could ever forget.  
His concerned eyes brighten, his furrowed eyebrows instantly lifting up as an infectious grin appeared on the punk's face.

It was a look of pure happiness and pride.  
A look that not many people gave nowadays and it honestly touched Tyler's heart.

He wished he could wear a face like that.  
  
"Yeah? You liked it?" The tone of Josh's voice matched perfectly with his facial expression and it was too hard for Tyler to resist smiling at the sound.  
"You're not just saying that cause I'm letting you crash on my couch, are you? You can tell me if I suck, y'know. I wont kick you out... Okay, maybe I'll kick you out for a little bit, but it'll only be 30 seconds tops."  
  
Tyler couldn't help the little laugh that left his lips in response to Joshua's words and, God, it felt like forever since he'd actually laughed.  
Granted, it realistically had only been a few days at most since he last laughed but the past couple days seemed like they had been stretched over years of time.  
  
"No, I swear it. You're actually really good." Tyler didn't waste more than a couple seconds in making sure that Josh knew his compliment was actually genuine. 

Tyler didn't even know how it was possible, but Josh's grin actually got brighter when he reassured his words. He had never really understood the phrase 'They had a smile that lit up the room' until right now and dang, a smile like that was infectious.

But to the brunette's dismay, Josh's smile suddenly began to fade as his eyes drop downwards.  
"You have your shoes on." The drummer points out the obvious addition to Tyler's wardrobe, eyes slowly looking back up to Tyler's, the concerned look quickly refilling his gaze.  
"Are you leaving?"

"Uh..Well... Yeah, I was just-"  
  
"Tyler."

The brunette hadn't realized how his eyes had cast themselves downwards as he started to answer Josh's question. It was the look that usually adorned a child's face, a child who just got caught doing something shameful.   
Josh didn't need a further explanation from Tyler.  
  
"I know this, your situation- It must completely fricken suck. I know you're probably worried that either you're bothering me by being here or that I'm some creep serial killer. But like, neither of those things are true."  
  
As the kind hearted punk spoke, Tyler's eyes had returned back to his gaze.   
The brunette watches him in silence, letting the older teen string together his words without a single interruption. But by the time Joshua had finished, Tyler was fighting back an amused little smile.  
It was nagging at the corners of his lips and as soon as he opened his mouth to respond, the smile broke free.  
"You're pretty bad at motivational speaking."

"I cant argue with you there. I'm only good at hitting drums as hard as I can."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Prove it."

***

The room was alive.

There was no other way to explain the atmosphere in the bedroom as Josh played away on his drum set.  
Tyler could tell by the added twirls Josh did with his drumsticks that the punk was doing his best to impress his one person audience.

And it was working.

The brunette never felt so comfortable to stare at someone with a smile on his face before.  
Josh made it hard to look away.  
He was freely bouncing up and down with the beat he was playing and Tyler found it incredibly cute and amusing.

The room was filled with vibrations that shook inside Tyler's chest and ears with every hit of a drumstick and the brunette almost missed the feeling when Joshua finished up his beat and stopped, winking at Tyler at the end before sets his drumsticks down in their stand.  
  
"Well?" Josh asked in an expecting tone, slightly out of breath at he spoke the one worded sentence.

"8 out of 10. It would've been 10 out of 10 but I had to deduct points for that wink." Tyler's answer had a playful cockiness to it, leaning forward on the bed slightly as he speaks.  
  
"Dang it. I knew I shouldn't have tried to woo the judge..."

A smile cracks onto Tyler's lips and he laughs at Joshua's words.  
It was as if he wasn't the same depressed brown eyed boy Josh had found on the bridge a couple days ago.  
It was as if Josh made him forget about his problems.  
Forget about suicide.

But that was only for now.  
Tyler knew himself too well to know this feeling wasn't going to last.  
Things were always better during the day.  
It was the night time when things would get worse.  
  
It was when he was all alone in bed surrounded by his own thoughts.  
It was like the darkness invited little demons into Tyler's bedroom.  
They would hide in the shadows and when Tyler closed his eyes to try and sleep, they would join him in his bed and whisper things into his ears.  
They would remind him of all the things Tyler didn't want to remember.  
Bad memories, dark thoughts, negative emotions.  
They would remind him about his plans.  
Scold him for letting another worthless day go by.  
  
And Tyler was growing tired of being yelled at.  
  
  
"So, Tyler..."  
Josh's soft voice caught him off guard and the slightly concerned look on his face instantly put the brunette on edge.  
"Soo..?" Tyler echoes Josh quietly as he instinctively looked away from the punk, wrinkling up his sore nose for a moment just to feel some kind of pain that would keep him grounded.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Josh asks as he sat down next to the brunette on his bed, resting his hands on his knees as he looks over at Tyler.  
"About what?" Tyler asks for clarification since there was a lot of 'it' going on in his life right now and he couldn't be sure as to which thing Josh was talking about.  
  
"Like, anything. Anything you feel like you want to talk about. I'll listen to whatever you say."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the awkward ending but it leaves me with a good place to pick up on next chapter.  
> Plus its been way too long since Ive updated and i wanted to get something out to you guys.  
> Thanks for everyone who's stuck by and for being patient about my slow updates.  
> You guys are the real MVP
> 
> Connect with me on twitter if ya want. Twitter: @ImAshamedAbout


	11. The Tenth

Anger.

  
It wasn't an emotion that Josh felt too often.  
Pure bubbling anger that clawed up his chest, into his throat, and threatened to spill from his mouth.  
  
Don't let this give you a bad impression of the drummer boy, he was generally a happy go lucky person.  
A bit anxious and quiet at times.  
But he was a kind soul, a people person, someone that could be locked alone in a room with almost anyone and he eventually could make them his friend.  
  
 _Almost anyone_.

The people he  _couldn't_  be locked alone in a room with were the type of people Tyler was describing to him right now.  
People so full of hate that they would throw homophobic slurs around and punch their own son in the god damn face.  
  
Those are people Josh couldn't be locked in a room with.

Because he wouldn't be locked in a room with  _them._

Oh, no, no.  
  
They would be locked in a room with  _him_

And they would have a right to be scared.

  
Josh wanted to make a scene, wanted to let his anger take control, and demand Tyler make a police report about this or, at the very least, give him his parents address so he could punch Tyler's dad in the face to give him a taste of his own medicine...   
But he doesn't.  
  
Josh is smarter than that and he could tell that anger  _wasn't_  what Tyler needed right now.

No, Tyler needed support.

The broken boy before him just needed someone to listen, needed someone to tell him everything was going to be okay, that everything would eventually fall snugly into place and work out in the end.

So, Josh was going to try his best.  
He was going to try his best to give Tyler what he needed, what he deserved.

But for now, he let's Tyler talk.

He has an inkling this was the first time someone let Tyler just spill his guts without interruption, given how the brunette kept nervously glancing at him and pausing here and there, before continuing when Josh would give him an encouraging nod.  
  
"...Um..So, I guess that's like...Pretty much... it..."  
Tyler's voice was barely there and his gaze was cast downwards in what looked to be shame.  
And  _that_  made Josh's stomach twist with anger again.

Tyler shouldn't be the one feeling shameful right now.

That is how is parents should be feeling.

It's a parent's job to protect and nurture their child no matter what, they literally failed at their one and only job.

They discarded their son like trash.  
  
They were the ones who deserved to feel the pain Tyler was going through.

Deserved to feel the shame.

The guilt.

The sadness.

This was all their fault,  
Not Tyler's.  
  
  
"...Tyler..."  
Joshua's voice came out softer than even he expected, which probably was a good thing because it enticed Tyler to ever so slowly lift his head up and meet the red head's concerned gaze.

But then, there it was.

Josh felt a sharp pain straight through his heart as he now sees the tears that had built up in Tyler's eyes, before they hit max capacity and one by one they jumped ship and slowly rolled over the brunette's lower lids, adding to the wet tracks that had already been silently made on Tyler's face without Josh's notice just moments earlier. 

Josh had been about to say something, he's sure it was something supportive...   
But, at the sight of Tyler's tears, the words had vanished from the forefront of his mind and he couldn't quite remember what he was about to tell his friend.  
All he could think about now was that...

This boy was too pretty to cry.

  
Without thinking if Tyler even wanted to be touched, Josh reached forward.  
  
He couldn't help it.  
Josh was  _always_  protective over his friends and wanted to keep them safe no matter what.

But this protectiveness was even stronger with Tyler and Josh was sure it was directly related to the fact that he was the one who saved Tyler's life just a couple short days ago.

Tyler would be dead right now if it hadn't been for him.  
  
So, Josh felt an extra urgency in needing to protect this boy;  
To protect him and glue the pieces of his broken life back together.  
  


The punk's grip was ever so light on Tyler's shoulder as he gently pulls the brunette's slim figure close and wraps his strong arms around him, engulfing him in a bear hug that may have been just a tad too tight.

"J-Josh...?"  
Tyler's soft sniffling voice meets the punk's ears from inside his hug and Josh can tell by his tone that the boy was questioning what was happening, which just made him briefly squeeze a little tighter in assurance.

"It's okay, Tyler..."   
Joshua breathes out, before he instantly continues in a soft tone, trying his best to keep any of the anger he felt towards Tyler's parents out of his voice when he speaks.  
  
"I mean its  _not_  okay. What they did to you-That's definitely not okay..." The drummer clarifies his words just to make sure there was no room for Tyler to get the wrong idea about what he meant, even though he doubted Tyler would have gotten the wrong the idea in the first place.

Josh still had Tyler completely engulfed in his arms and he's glad that he held the hug for longer than necessary because he suddenly feels Tyler's body relaxing and his scrawny arms slowly lift up before they gently wrap around Josh to hug him back. 

"God like- That actually makes me feel kind of sick that there's still parents who do that to their kids... And not the good kind of sick either... I mean,  _actually_ sick." Josh tells him as he shakes his head slightly, glancing down at Tyler for a second.   
  
He couldn't see his face anymore do to the hug, just his head and fluffy brown hair... But, he still didn't hear any sniffling so, either the tears were still silent in their escapade down Tyler's cheeks or the brunette had stopped crying all together...  
  


Joshua personally hopes for the latter.

"Seriously, after hearing that, you're even more welcome to stay here than before...Not that you weren't welcome before, but still. This hit a kinda personal spot for me. So, now I might even force you to stay if you try to leave." Josh tries to lighten his tone and joke around with that last part in a small attempt to lift the spirits of the boy in his arms, ever so slowly beginning to finally release Tyler from the hug and pull back.

Once Josh separates from Tyler, he could see that his hope had turned true and Tyler had stopped crying during the hug, smiling at the brunette ever so slightly.  
  
"Uh, sorry about that by the way.. I should of asked if a hug was alright before I did it but, you just kinda like... Looked like you really needed one right then."  
  
With how quiet Tyler was being he hadn't expected to get a verbal response as quick as he suddenly did, or one at all really.  
"N-No, no-That-It was okay." Tyler's words came quick and slightly flustered, as if he didn't want Josh to feel bad about the hug for even a split second....Mostly because Josh had been right and Tyler really did need a hug from someone.  
  
"Just  _okay?"_  Josh retorts in a playful tone and flashed a little grin at Tyler, a grin that brightens in amusement when he sees and undeniable tint of red flushing through Tyler's cheeks. "Come on, my hugs are better than  _just_  okay!"  
  
"Okay-Sure, it was... nice? Nice, then."  
  
"No, you cant fool me. My hugs are worthy of  _at least_  an awesome."

"That's what you think but, maybe you should work on your hugging skills some more."

_"Wow."_

There was an amused smile now spread across Tyler's lips and he couldn't help the little giggle that slipped past his defenses at the look of pure betrayal on Joshua's face... A look that almost instantly disappeared as soon as Josh heard Tyler's laughter though and was quickly replaced by a smile of his own.

"...Can I ask you something then, Josh?" Tyler's voice was back on the quiet side when he speaks again, doe-like eyes gazing up at Josh through long eyelashes and come on, was Josh really supposed to be able to deny this boy anything at this point?  
  
"Sure, shoot. I'm up to the task of answering...Probably. Just don't make it about something hard-Like math or how to impress people."  
Josh feels a sense of pride well in his chest when Tyler smiles at his playful words.  
  
"No, I wont, just um... How is this personal for you? You said it like, hit you personally...or something." Tyler vaguely repeats the words Josh had said earlier during his hug while trying to give the brunette some support about the situation.

Thankfully this was a question Josh could easily answer.

"Yeah-That's because I'm bi. So, I get what it feels to not be accepted in that way... Though my parents didn't kick me out or hit me so..." Josh trails off but decides not to continue with his thought because he didn't want to spark up his anger again.

Anger still wouldn't help right now.  
  
All anger did was cause problems, so he would rather keep the emotion in line.

"Oh." Tyler's response came with more surprise than Josh thought was necessary... but that's okay because it made the drummer suddenly burst out with laughter, much to Tyler's dismay which was showed off by the blush that began to blossom through the apples of his cheeks once more.  
"Don't laugh at me!" Tyler attempts to stop his embarrassment by silencing Josh's laughter through protests, despite the tiny smile it enticed onto the brunette's lips to hear the infectious happy sound.

"Sorry! You just sounded so surprised!" Josh's laughter doesn't actually let up despite his hasty apology, his eyes crinkling up at the sides from the wide smile that was currently adorning his lips. 

"Yea-Yeah! Well-! You don't  _look_  bi! You look-All tough and stuff!" Tyler tries to defend as the blush in his cheeks spread to the rest of his face and subsequently heats up the expanse of his skin.

"Hey! I  _am_  tough!" Josh's laughing had died down but he was still grinning from ear to ear and there was a clear teasing tone laced onto his voice and his eyes were twinkling playfully.  
  
"Josh-!!" Was Tyler's only retort because he couldn't think of anything else to defend himself with and his blush was currently creeping up to his ears.   
  
"Okay, okay!" Josh says with his wide grin still adorning his face, biting down on the tip of his pink tongue just to silence his laugh and appease the blushing boy in front of him.   
  
The drummer then just takes a small moment;  
A moment to smile and to gaze upon Tyler and the bright red blush coloring his skin all the way from the apples of his cheeks up to the very tips of his ears.  
Josh definitely preferred seeing a blush covering Tyler's face rather than tears, it suited him much better.  
  
"...We're gonna come up with a plan." Josh suddenly says as he then stands up from his bed, brushing off the confused look Tyler was giving him, walking over to his dresser and plucking a couple tissues from the Kleenex box sitting on top of the furniture.  
  
"...What do you mean...?" 

Tyler's timid question meets the ears of the kind hearted drummer as Josh turns, Kleenex in hand, and walks back over to Tyler.  
He offers the boy the couple tissues to clean the tear tracks off of his face, which Tyler gladly accepts.

"Well, we have to get your shit from your house if you're gonna stay here, yeah?" Josh elaborates what he meant by 'plan' as Tyler wipes his cheeks and his wet eyelashes with the soft tissues the red head had given him, his eyes flicking up and locking with Josh's gaze.

"...Wh-What? Wait-I cant-I cant  _stay_  here this-I don't even have money to help out and-"  
  
"Tyler."

There was a firmness in Joshua's tone when he cuts Tyler off.

It was the same tone he used with his younger siblings when he needed them to know he was serious about what he was saying.

He wasn't joking around with them anymore and they needed to actually listen.

Tyler needed to actually listen.  
  


"You don't need to worry about any of that...All that matters right now is to get you into a safe place where you can just, chill out and relax. I think you deserve that, especially now."

Josh didn't know whether to take Tyler's silent response as a good or bad thing...

All he knew was that Tyler's face was cast downwards again, he was holding his head low as if he had been caught in the middle of shameful act, and Josh was sure he was currently worrying about things that really didn't matter.

Josh wishes he could ask what it is.

He wishes he could pick apart Tyler's brain and strip out all the negative anxiety ridden thoughts and throw them away so that this broken boy wouldn't have to deal with them any longer...

But for now, all Josh could do was guess;  
Guess what was currently bothering Tyler and try to figure out a solution to ease his worried thoughts.

"Look, it doesn't even have to be a forever thing if you don't want it to be... Just think of it like, having a slumber party at a friend's house for awhile." He offers a different perspective for Tyler in hopes to make things seem a little more bright.

To brighten up the thoughts in Tyler's mind specifically.

"We can make a plan, get your shit from your house, then you can crash here and get your situation straightened out a bit. Take as long as you need and, if you decide you want to stay then sick...If not, I wont force you stay here, don't worry." The punk does his best to give Tyler some options about the whole thing... He doesn't want to force the boy into anything he was uncomfortable with, but also Josh desperately wanted to keep him safe at the same time.

He just hopes Tyler will let him.

He hopes he can save Tyler.

Not only for Tyler's sake but for his own as well.

Josh didn't think he would be able to handle the guilt if he fails Tyler;

If the pieces of the broken boy slipped between the cracks of his fingers...

There would be no forgiveness for Josh Dun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I havent given up on this yet folks.  
> So sorry with how slow updates are.  
> I just want to give a quick thanks to all the encouraging comments ive received over the past months, not only on this story but my other as well.   
> Those are what keep me going.  
> Love you guys <3  
> If you ever wanna get a hold of me my twitter is @ImAshamedAbout or use this link if you're lazy like me https://twitter.com/ImAshamedAbout


	12. The Eleventh

"...Okay..."  
Tyler really didn't mean for his voice to come out so timid when he finally agreed to Josh's suggestion of a plan.  
His gaze was still cast downwards, most of his face just out of Joshua's sight with how his head was tilted forwards. He was gazing down at his knees, his index finger gently scratching at a loose thread poking out of the fabric of his sweat pants.  
  
He really did appreciate all of what Josh was trying to do for him.  
The guy was putting in so much effort but...  
That was the thing;  
  
Tyler didn't think he  _deserved_  to have this much effort wasted on him.  
  
He felt as if he was just taking advantage of Josh's kindness.  
And for what?  
  
If the plans still lingering in the back of Tyler's mind become reality, Joshua's efforts would be for absolutely nothing.  
  
Everything the kind-hearted punk was trying to do for him would be wasted.  
  
It made guilt swirl sickeningly in the pit of his stomach and he couldn't help but wish Josh hadn't saved him Friday night, that Josh hadn't found him again yesterday, that Josh hadn't offered him a place to sleep.  
  
_But, this is all your fault._  
  
_If you had just denied Josh's offer._  
  
_If you had just noticed his truck pulling up._  
  
_If you had just jumped sooner._  
  
"Tyler?"  
  
Tyler's gaze instantly snaps up as Josh speaks his name and successfully jostles him out of his thoughts.  
Josh was now sitting back on the bed right next to him, a concern look on his face that only increased the pain of guilt Tyler was feeling in his stomach.  
  
"Did you hear me?" Josh's tone was soft and the words he spoke instantly made the blush start to creep back into Tyler's cheeks, purely out of embarrassment for zoning out and completely missing whatever Josh had apparently said to him.   
  
"Uh-No...Sorry, I was just um-Sorry." Tyler begins to wring his hands out of nervous habit as he quickly apologizes to Joshua, eyes shifting away from the older teen's face and fixates on one of Josh's shirts laying on the floor of his bedroom.   
He always found it easier to listen to what someone was saying when he wasn't looking at them, it eased any anxiety the eye contact would cause and allow him to be a bit more focused on the words coming out of the person's mouth rather than their expression or how they were looking at him.   
  
"Hey, it's okay, no biggie. I was just saying some mushy stuff like, I'm glad you'll crash here for awhile." Tyler felt the need to apologize again as Josh repeats a simpler version of what he had just said to him, but he fought against it.   
He didn't want to be annoyingly apologetic, even if it was how he felt at the moment.  
  
"So, for the plan..." Josh then continued before he tapers off which instinctively brought Tyler's gaze flicking up to meet Joshua's. He slightly inclines his head in a small nod to signal Josh to keep going.   
Even if he didn't plan to mooch off Josh and stay here forever, he still would rather pick up at least some of his stuff from his parent's house than have Josh feel like he had to buy him new things or something crazy like that.  
  
"Okay, I was just thinking. Is there a time like, like that you know both your parents wont be home? Then we could sneak over there and grab your stuff." Tyler's eyes had returned to the same shirt on Joshua's floor as he listens to the drummer speak, nodding his head slightly again almost as soon as he hears the question.  
His lips then part to answer.  
  
"..Uh, yeah... Actually, both my parents work at-" As Tyler speaks, a sudden realization hit him; One that had his eyes widening slightly in distress and his tongue hanging on the last syllable he spoke.  
If Tyler had been looking at Josh, he would of seen confusion fill his eyes as his lips turn down into a concerned little frown and his brows scrunch together ever so slightly.  
He was quick to pick up on Tyler's sudden unease which lead him to prompt the brunette to finish his sentence so Josh could better understand what was going on.  
  
"At where..? Whats wrong?" He asks with concern lacing his tone, mocha eyes fixated on the boy sitting in front of him and his eyebrows bunching just a bit closer together and further deepening his look of worry.  
  
"...My school... They both work at my school..." Tyler's voice came out just as weak and pathetic as he was trying for it to  _not_  be, but he couldn't help it. He was beginning to nervously bite at the skin of his bottom lip as his thoughts swirled around in his mind for a way to just  _fix_  this mess.   
  
"Oh-You're still in school...?" Josh's voice was soft and sympathetic, a vast contrast to how Tyler's mind sounded at the moment.  
This time Tyler was a bit quicker to answer Josh with his worries on high and emotions enlisting panic.  
  
"Yeah...I'm-I'm in senior year...I...How am I going to graduate...? I-I-" The brunette's voice came out quiet but quick, unable to stop how his tongue stuttered on a couple words because god damn it;  
    School was  _important._  

How was he going to get anywhere in life if he didn't  _at least_  finish high school?  
  
Great, this was just  _great;_  
Just one more reason for him to give up and stop walking this earth  
  
_There were enough reasons to give up before that_.  

  
"Hey, hey-It's okay, don't worry. Um, we'll figure it out. We could look into you getting your GED instead." Josh's kind tone and the soft touch of the drummer's hand on his shoulder was enough to ground Tyler back to reality. His sad doe-eyes stay fixated to the same spot on Josh's floor, listening to his words as he swallows thickly.  
  
"For now, lets just worry about getting your stuff so you can be comfortable and chill here for awhile." Josh continues on and Tyler decides not to protest.  
He doesn't start bringing up the 'what if's, nor does he argue that he probably wont be here long enough for it to matter anyways.  
Instead he holds onto that one tiny sliver of hope left deep in his darkened mine that barely whispered that maybe, just  _maybe,_  this will all work out in the end.  
  
"...Okay." Tyler responds quietly just to let Josh know that he was still present and listening to what he was saying.  
  
"So, they both work at your school... Then they should be gone during the day tomorrow right?"   
  
"Right.."  
  
"Okay, sick. Then that's pretty easy. I don't work until noon tomorrow so we can swing by in the morning and get your stuff." This time Tyler just gave a small nod after hearing Josh's little plan. The vacancy of his voice clearly showing how nervous he was for all of this.  
  
"Uh, well, until then-" Tyler could hear Josh's voice move with him as the drummer stands up from the bed again, the brunette's doe eyes slowly raising from the floor and following Joshua to his dresser.  
  
"You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in. That way you can get out of what you've been wearing and take a shower and stuff. It might help clear your head." Joshua offers, absentmindedly gesturing one hand towards Tyler as he speaks and opening up the second to top drawer of his dresser at the same time.  
  
The brunette couldn't help but glance down at himself at Joshua's words, suddenly remembering he was wearing the same clothes since Friday night.  
His black sweat shirt was still brandishing, now completely dried, dark stains from the blood his damaged nose had dropped.  
On top of that he was  _sure_  his entire outfit had to smell like sweat with the amount of travel he had done the past couple days.  
No wonder Josh was suggesting him to take a shower.  
  
"That's cool with you, right? My stuff might be a little big on you but it should work if you're just sleeping in them."  
Tyler's eyes return to Josh at the sound of his voice and the brunette quickly nods his head, seeing that Josh had already picked out a pair of black and red basketball shorts and was holding it up to him for his approval.   
  
"Yeah-Yeah, that's fine...Thanks, Josh." He quickly tells Josh and watches as the drummer digs out a shirt for him from the next drawer down, soon pulling out a plain gray one.   
  
"If you want, you can just like, toss your dirty clothes out into the hall and I'll throw them in the wash so you don't have to wear my lame clothes out when we grab your stuff." Josh tells him as he approaches Tyler and hands him the bundle of clothes for him to change into, earning another grateful nod from the brunette.  
  
"Yeah, I'll do that- Thanks again, Josh." Tyler tells him, but he barely got the words out before Josh shakes his head and flashes a grin at him that showed off his perfectly straight white teeth.  
  
"Don't even mention it dude. It'd be like, a crime for me to let you keep wearing your dirty stuff...And, I'm not really cut out for prison."  
  
***  
Tyler spent longer than he meant to in the shower.  
He hadn't even realized how much time had been passing, but when the water raining down on him suddenly began to turn cold, he snapped back to reality and quickly reached forward to turn the shower off.  
  
Fuck, hopefully he hadn't been hogging the bathroom for too long.

What if Brendon or Josh had been waiting to use it and he was in here taking his sweet ol'time?

This wasn't even his bathroom to use.  
  
He really needed to be more considerate.  
  
Why does he always mess everything up?  
  
_Because that's all you're good at._  
  
With a bit more urgency from realizing someone may be waiting to use the bathroom, Tyler quickly pulls the shower curtain aside and steps out of the bathtub, water dripping down his tanned skin and rolling onto the bathroom mat under his feet.   
  
While simultaneously running a hand through his wet hair, Tyler reaches out and grabs the folded tower resting on the bathroom counter that Josh had given him before hand, shaking it open.  
He quickly runs the fabric down his arms and torso, soaking up the water droplets littering his skin before he moves up to his hair.  
He was usually pretty thorough at making sure he was completely dry before getting dressed, but the worry that Josh or Brendon could be waiting for him to finish caused him to be a little less liberal with his drying this time around.  
He wasn't quite sure what he should do with his towel, but decided to just hang it up on the available hooks on the back of the bathroom door to let it dry and he would let Josh know where he put it if he asked.   
  
Tyler didn't dawdle or hesitate in slipping on the clothes Joshua gave him, too consumed in freeing up the bathroom as quick as possible to really give it much of a thought... But, one glance in the mirror in front of him had him pausing.  
  
Josh was right, his clothes were a little too big on him.  
  
The drummer's basket ball shorts were hanging so dangerously low on his hips that one little step looked like it could make them fall completely down. It was enough to make Tyler blush at just the thought of walking out of the bathroom and having Josh or Brendon see him like this.  
  
Quickly, the brunette reaches down. He grabs onto the waist band of the basketball shorts and rolls it up a few times so they fit a bit more snugly;  
Something he hadn't had to do since he was a little kid and the occasional pair of pants his mom would buy wouldn't fit him quite right.   
  
When Tyler deemed himself appropriate to exit, he finally opened up the bathroom door and was immediately relieved to see no one was waiting outside it with their arms crossed and a scowl on their faces.   
  
After flicking off the bathroom light, Tyler turns and heads down the hall. He hadn't even really done anything today, him and Josh just practically hung out and watched movies, there hadn't even been much conversation between them until just earlier but despite that...  
Tyler was  _exhausted._  
  
Usually the brunette had trouble sleeping, but he had a feeling that tonight he may be able to slip into unconsciousness a bit quicker than normal purely by how worn down he felt emotionally and even physically.  
  
At least, that's what Tyler had  _thought._  
  
As soon as Tyler got himself settled down on the couch and tried to close his eyes, the usual sleeplessness suddenly hit him and a heavy sigh leaves through his lips as his eyes quickly flick back open.  
He was a fool for thinking this was going to be easy.  
  
Almost instantly, Tyler's eyes began to wander the darkened living room, but soon his gaze had landed on the coffee table in front of him that had his cellphone sitting atop it. He had completely forgotten he placed it there last night before falling asleep.   
  
Reaching one hand out of his blanket, Tyler grabs the electronic from the edge of the table, flipping it around in his grip so the screen faced him and hitting the button on the top of the phone to illuminate it.   
Another little sigh leaves his lips as his eyes flick up to the top of the screen and he sees the un-read messages he had from his brother, Zack, quickly Typing in his pass-code almost out of pure muscle memory before he pulls down and opens the messages.  
They were all from Friday night.  
  
**11/30, 9:13  
Wtf, why is dad yelling down there?**  
  
**11/30, 9:19  
TY DID DAD KICK YOU OUT?**  
  
**11/30, 9:25  
Bro wtf is happening??? Why are mom and dad so pissed?**  
  
**11/30, 9:26  
Seriously, what just happened?? What was dad yelling at you about?**  
  
**11/30, 9:37  
Ty dude, answer me. Mom and dad wont tell me anything.**  
  
**11/30, 9:45  
Tyler???**  
  
**11/30, 9:49  
They wont even let me come downstairs anymore. They're just arguing down there. Dude, did you really do something that bad??**

**11/30, 9:55  
Ty are you okay??**  
  
**11/30, 9:59  
Listen dude, i wont bother you if you don't want to talk about it but please just let me know you're at least okay right now...**  
  


Tyler's stomach instantly twists with guilt as he reads the last message that came from his brother, quickly sitting up on the couch.  
He had been so wrapped up in his emotions the past couple days he hadn't thought to update his brother or even really check his phone at all.  
  
With quick fingers, Tyler starts to type out a message to Zach, guilt eating away at his stomach for causing his younger brother so much distress.  
  
**12/2, 10:37  
Hey, Im sorry. It's a long story. Im safe at a friend's house, dont worry.**  
  
**Message cannot be sent. Retry.**  
  
Tyler lets out a stressed sigh completely caused by reflex and instantly holds his phone a little higher in the air as soon as he sees the text failed to go through, his thumb quickly hitting the 'retry' option.  
  
**12/2, 10:38  
Hey, Im sorry. It's a long story. Im safe at a friend's house, dont worry.**

**Message cannot be sent. Retry.**  
  
Instantly, Tyler's eyebrows scrunch together to see the text instantly failed once again, sitting up a bit straighter. His eyes instinctively flick up to his bars to see if maybe he just didn't get signal in Joshua's house.  
And then, his heart dropped.  
  
Tyler's eyes were fixated to the top right of the screen, mouth drying up.  
Not only was there an 'X' marked through his bars to show he had no signal, but there were white letters next to it that read "NO SERVICE".  
  
...His parents really cancelled his phone plan  _that_  quickly...?  
  
Tyler couldn't stop the tears that suddenly sprung to his eyes and the panic that squeezed at his chest.  
He dint know why this was exactly affecting him so much, of course his parents weren't going to keep paying for his phone bill.  
But maybe, it was because Tyler still had the last silver hope inside him that told him none of this was real.  
That his parents would regret what they had done and soon come looking for him  
  
That they would find him and apologize for their actions and allow him to come back home.  
  
But, to see that they were calloused enough to leave their son out on the streets without even a phone to use for help...  
It suddenly hit him that this was not going to be fixed.  
  
His parents were really serious about this.  
  
And oh  _god,_  what was he going to do?  
  
Tyler didn't even realize he was sobbing until he  _couldn't_  anymore.  
The panic was clawing at his chest and constricting his lungs so that his breaths were coming out in short little gasps.  
He barely even registered his phone tumbling from his hand and hitting the hardwood floor with a sharp thud, his hands shooting to his hair as he curls in on himself slightly.  
  
The anxiety and the panic that was swarming around his mind left him without the ability to even think straight, let alone breathe correctly.  
His tears were flowing, his mouth was gasping, fingers gripping, and none of that stopped, even when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he was met with the blurry image of Joshua in front of him.  
*  
"Tyler-! Tyler, you're panicking- I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that for me?" Joshua was crouched in front of the couch with a hand clasped firmly on a shaking Tyler's shoulder, clear concern written all over his face.  
He had quickly come out of his room at the sound of crying and something hitting the floor, panic of his own rising in his throat to find Tyler in the state he was in.   
  
"Come on, Tyler- Here, look at me, I'll breathe with you. Okay?"   
Josh wasn't a stranger to panic attacks.  
Though he has gotten much better over time, the drummer had horrible anxiety all throughout high school and panic attacks had become a regular thing back then for him.  
It'd been awhile since he last had one, but he still remembers exactly how to handle the horrible ordeal.   
"Ready? Keep looking at me, good-Okay, we're going to breathe in through our noses, hold it for three seconds, and then let it out through our mouths." He instructs Tyler who was still shaking and crying from under his grip, giving the brunette a little "Ready? Go." Before he starts to do the breathing exercise himself.  
  
Josh makes sure to breathe in through his nose loudly to show Tyler he was actually doing it with him.  
_1  
2  
3_  
The air comes out just as loud through Josh's mouth, watching as Tyler's lips quiver with a long shaky breath.  
  
"Awesome, sick... Can you keep doing that for me?" Joshua requests and he could already see the edge being taken off Tyler's panic once he got a steady breathing pattern down.  
  
"Okay, good, good. That's good, Tyler. Listen, I'm going to go get you something that'll help okay? I'll be gone for 5 seconds tops." He tells the brunette and he waits until he gets a little shaky nod from Tyler before he even thinks of letting go of him.  
  
"Awesome, okay, you keep breathing. Ill be right back, promise." With that, Joshua quickly stands up and rushes down the hall and into his bedroom, heading straight for his dresser and yanking the top drawer open.  
He knew Tyler was going through a lot right now and he knew how shitty the lingering affects of a panic attack could be;  
So, Josh wanted to do everything he could to help Tyler through it.  
  
It only took one second for Josh's hands to find the exact spot he hid his Xanax medication in the corner of his sock drawer.  
He personally hadn't had to use his prescription in quite awhile, but he liked to keep it on hand for the days his anxiety came crawling back into the foregrounds of his mind and caused his day to turn out like crap.  
But, now he was glad he kept it around for more than just that, now it could at least be used to help Tyler too.  
  
He opens up the prescription bottle with ease, dumping one of the little blue pills into his hand before he breaks the tablet in half; He didn't want to over due it and, assuming Tyler's never been prescribed Xanax before, a half tablet should do the trick.  
  
Once he quickly hides the bottle back into the drawer, Josh quickly jogs back out of his room and down the hall, glancing towards Tyler to make sure he was okay before turning into the kitchen, mouth opening to speak at the same time.  
  
"I'm right here, Tyler. Told you I was gonna be right back. I'm just grabbing you some water now." He tells the brunette, eyes continuously glancing over at Tyler on the couch to make sure he was doing okay.  
Even from here he could visibly see that Tyler was still shaking, but he wasn't sobbing anymore so, Josh took that to be a good sign at least.  
  
Within 30 seconds, Joshua retrieved a water bottle from the fridge and was now back in front of Tyler, crouching down to get right into the brunette's line of vision.  
Now that he was up close, he could see that the brunt of Tyler's panic attack was over.  
He was now just sniffling quietly and keeping his eyes shamefully on the ground, while his body shook lightly; It almost looking as if he was shivering from an unknown cold.  
  
"Hey... Here. This'll make you feel much better, if you want it." Josh keeps his voice soft and soothing as he opens his palm and offers Tyler the half a tablet of Xanax.  
He watches as Tyler's eyes slowly lift up, body still shaking, and his gaze falls onto the medication in his hand, before he looks up and meets the drummer's eyes.  
  
"Wh-What is-is i-it..?" Tyler's voice was shaken up and barely a whisper. He sounded so broken that it nearly cracked Joshua's heart completely in two.  
  
"It's half a Xanax. It'll calm you down and even help you fall asleep." Josh was completely honest with his answer and he waited until Tyler took the small pill from him before he begins to crack open the water bottle for the brunette, watching Tyler as the shaking boy eyes the medication in his fingers warily.   
  
"You don't have to take it if you don't want-" Josh didn't even get to finish the rest of his assuring sentence before Tyler was putting the medication onto his tongue and reaching out to take the water bottle from the drummer's grip, which Josh quickly handed over.  
  
"Have you ever taken Xanax before...?" He then questions Tyler quietly as he watches the brunette take a big swig of the water to wash the little tablet down his throat, smiling reassuringly when Tyler takes the bottle from his lips and shakes his head 'No'.  
  
"Okay, that's fine, don't worry. That's why I only gave you half, just in case. Um, it should start to work in like, 20-ish minutes...You'll relax and then you'll probably get pretty tired." Joshua tells Tyler so the brunette knew what to expect and when, slowly standing up from the crouching position he was in.  
  
"Um, I can stay with you if you want, until it kicks in and you think you can fall asleep." The kind hearted punk then offers Tyler with a small but warm smile on his full lips, that small smile growing just slightly when he sees Tyler nodding his head in answer for him to stay.  
  


"Sick. We don't even have to talk if you don't want too... We could watch another movie and just chill out for awhile. Maybe like...Have you ever seen Fight Club?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im trying to make my chapters longer  
> Hopfully they're not coming out as boring or forced D:  
> Lemme know what you think about the longer chapters  
> Also, im not sure if its noticeable in my writing but i have some reading difficulties  
> It's not as bad as like, full blown dyslexia, but words get jumbled up in my mind easily and i tend to accidentally forget to write some words here and there cause my brain thinks i already wrote the word into the sentence, when in reality, i skipped right over it.  
> So if you spot a mistake i made please in any chapters (or any of my stories in general) let me know so i can fix it!  
> Even with my many proof reads its still hard for my brain to catch all my mistakes.  
> Thanks friends
> 
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/ImAshamedAbout


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